10 THINGS THAT MAKE A MAN ATTRACTIVE TO A WOMAN

It’s a common gripe amongst men that it’s always the same type of guys that get the girl: rich, tall, dark and handsome. Talk to women though, and they will nearly always disagree. Looks are on many women’s lists of attractive qualities, but what constitutes good looks varies considerably from girl to girl. Money too, does not appear as high as you might think, if at all, on most girls list, so let’s take a look at ten of the things that girls say really attract them to a man:

1. Romance is not a thing of the past

A sense of romance is a big thing for most women. They want to be swept off their feet by a prince charming and they want to be treated like a lady. So guys don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, flowers, chocolates and love poems are not a thing of the past!

2. Being generous with what you have is attractive

While money may not be a big thing, being generous with what you have is. It’s not just about buying gifts for the girl though, being kind and generous to others is also an important trait that women like to see in a man.

3. A great sense of humour

What makes a man attractive to a woman? Humour. If a guy can make a girl laugh, then he’s halfway there! A sense of humour appears on nearly every girls list. It makes everything else seem to go away and, even if the guy screws up, laughter will make it seem less important.

4. A touch of class and a drop of sophistication

Most girls don’t want a snob, but they do appreciate a little sophistication sometimes. A guy doesn’t need to be a wine connoisseur, for example, but he should at least know that downing a bottle of beer and then belching, in a swanky restaurant, isn’t the right thing to do.

5. Self confidence and some decision making

A man with self-confidence will help put a woman at her ease. What girls certainly don’t want is a guy who is so nervous, that he wouldn’t even say boo to a goose, and who is going to leave all the decision making up to somebody else.

6. A well groomed man (Forget worn-out jeans, old sneakers and a three day growth of stubble…)

A girl wants to be proud to be out with her man, so simple grooming is important too. Worn-out jeans, old sneakers and a three day growth of stubble might be comfortable, but they won’t help a guy attract a girl.

7. Passion is hot! Aimless meandering through life is not!

Girls are not attracted to guys who meander through life aimlessly they want some passion and some conviction. That could be a passion for work, for a hobby or for a sports team but, come on! They have to care about something.

8. Willingness to learn and the drive to improve

Another one of important points on what makes a man attractive to a woman is his willingness to learn. We could have headed this point, intelligence, but then that would have been misleading, because it’s not having the brain of an astrophysicist that matters, it’s the willingness to learn. Having the drive to improve and to learn new things, is a very attractive trait in a man.

9. Men who like children

It’s a scientific fact that women are drawn to men who have an affinity with children. This doesn’t necessarily have to mean a man who wants to have his own family tomorrow, but a man who can relate to children does seem to appeal to the nurturing side of a woman.

10. Looks (but they are in the eye of the beholder)

Looks do matter, but not the tall, dark handsome type. The looks that women find attractive can vary incredibly. Some girls love a bald man, while others like thick, flowing hair. Some girls have an absolute aversion to facial hair, while others love beards. Looks is here in our list, but what girls find attractive, really, is in the eye of the beholder.

What makes a man attractive to a woman? Feel free to share your opinion.

Stay happy!

Men Cheat, Women are Materialistic... Is it True?

Happy weekend to you, you and you. I hope the weekend is going as it were planned, if not... take a seat and read on as I bring to you another interesting write-up in our relationship and life segment. 

Am sure you are conversant with the statement:

“ALL men are chronically unfaithful.”
“Women are materialistic.”

These are two of the most common phrases in any conversation about relationships in all over the world. I’m exploring the validity of those statements.

While majority of  men complain about the materialism of today's modern women, apparently our women are totally consumed with thoughts of money; of course not all men cares about cash, well i think some still do.

Haven been opportune to visit other continent and meet with people of diverse race, ethnic and belief. I realise that the perception on Love and money in a relationship does not differ at all. For instance, in Nigeria where I am from, they’ll tell you that a Nigerian girl, especially the Lagos girl, falls in love with your wallet before she even looks at you. When I first heard this complaint, I felt so bad for our men. Poor kiddos, how could they cope dealing with these greedy materialistic girls? I mean I know I’ve definitely judged Nigerian girls harshly. College girls from struggling families have two hundred and fifty thousand Naira (plus) weaves, the latest smartphones, and expensive trips abroad, I know it’s their pocket-money doing all that. As I’ve grown older, I’ve gotten kinder, and less judgmental(here’s hoping though).

On the flip side, Nigerian women moan about the legendary infidelity of Nigerian men, Nigerian men can’t be trusted. Listening to the variety of stories about the men is absolutely petrifying; some get engaged to two women at the same time, others take mistresses on their honeymoon, placing them in the same hotel as their wives, while others maintain two families or sleep with the maids and nannies. Unfortunately, these stories are not fiction; we all have a few of them in our families or our close circle of friends. It’s enough to make a girl reconsider getting into this thing called marriage.

Even though I do not want to be judgmental, I  had experiences that have made me rethink who gets the blame in this messy situation. Recently a friend was talking about setting up a close friend of ours; apparently he had a number of single friends who would be ideal for her (Shola). Call me a skeptic, but I was surprised that he knew so many people who Shola could have fulfilling relationships with, not because she is difficult or anything of course. His answer was that they all had really well-paying jobs. Now don’t get me wrong, I would not want my to be with an ambition-less pauper, but I think there are many other qualities beyond a well-paying job that make someone a potential partner, like that pesky thing called compatibility. However, in his experience security is the first thing a Nigerian girl asks about.

Its also no surprise that, even while I was in Nigeria several years back, hustling the street of Abuja as a naive marketer, I’ve been on the receiving end of Nigerian men both young and old trying to throw money at me. Yet when you refuse their blatant offerings, and try to find out more about them, they are uncooperative but they’ll complain about materialistic women. I’ve heard multiple times that the majority of Nigerian women are unintelligent and unable to have decent conversations. This is generally said as a back-handed compliment to me, others in the same vein say things like “you have beauty and brains”, as though the two are incompatible. Apparently women just talk about movies, celebrities and make-up. Hearing this you would think these men are coming up with the solutions to Syria and Nigeria’s problems in their daily chats, lol!. Nah, generally they are discussing football, PS3 and if you are lucky, how to make money. I find these comments extremely insulting and not flattering in the least. I for one have never noticed a marked deficit in female intelligence among my friends and casual acquaintances, if the only women they encounter are unintelligent, the problem might be with their selection criteria not women in general. I’ve had as many terrible conversations with men as with women. This paragraph is brought on by a recent experience I had on a “date”, my date asked a question regarding some of my future academic pursuits. As I began to answer the question with the seriousness I felt it deserved, I noticed he wasn’t paying attention; he was looking down and chatting on his phone, how rude. This was the same guy who had previously commented on the lack of intelligent conversations. Ironic eh?

I’ve spent a good bit of time considering both angles and I’ve reached a conclusion, it’s truthfully a chicken and the egg situation. Are the women materialistic because they realize that’s all they can depend on the men for? Are the men unfaithful because they are with women who choose them for only for what’s in their pocket? Do men present the situation to be used through their own laziness? They rather flash their bank cards than spend time courting a women learning about her interests and what makes her tick. Do women simply utilize the opportunities presented to them by men? Are both men and women simply not just using each other?

After interacting with men and women, both at home and abroad. I’ve decided that this system is mutually beneficial for the active players. The men get bought women who are so desperate for money that they’ll do anything to stroke their man’s ego. These women will turn a blind eye to all their misbehavior, and accept crappy treatment from them. The women on their part have embraced the ideology of “it’s as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.” As long as they are kitted out in the latest designers, get to travel abroad and drive nice cars, life is good. I only feel bad for those who are genuinely searching for love, for that person that completes them. 60%  are looking to be married just to be, 30% consider marriage to be their meal ticket and the remaining 10% (probably an overly generous estimate) are sincerely searching for love. Yes, these statistic are just randomly thrown out from my brain, but I don’t think the results would be different if I performed a rigorous scientific study. I’d love to hear if y’all agree or disagree.

Have a blessed week.

-bosydeprincessa

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The African Bride

In marriage, what you sow is exactly what you reap. This may not be true all the time, and may not be true for all marriages. In African marriages, the husband remains the head of the family. The wife and children are his. Every husband prays to have  a good wife by his side, some of us women do not know the qualities of a good wife. Many of us do not even realize that we are created with these qualities inside of us, we do not need to download or install them from anywhere, like most people thing. All we need do is activate that part of our being and see our marriages being rejuvenated, it is right inside of us.

In African Marriage, during the marriage ceremony, elderly women, friends and family of the bride are called in to advise the bride to be. One thing in common is the advice to be a good wife, to honor the husband. The people who volunteer to advise do not fail to remind the woman that her husband (the groom) is the head, and that she should submit herself to him, cook good meals for him and ensure that he is happy in life. 

I strongly believe that to be a good wife is to make the man happy. The man's life should not turn into an unhappy one after marriage. If a rather happy and bubbly man suddenly or say gradually becomes depressed and unhappy after marriage, it doesn't speak well of his wife. Below are a few tips to guide us as we continue in our marital journey and the quest for happy marriages.

No one is perfect. We can all try our best all the time to build happy marriages. An unhappy husband will leave his wife unhappy. To be happy in our marriages, let us try to make our husbands happy men. In case you feel like your marriage has gone beyond repair, there is a book I will Strongly recommend for you. It does wonders if only you follow the instructions. This book is: Winning Your Husband Back Before It's Too Late. By Gary Smalley  and another great book: The DNA Of Relationship By same Author. When you read these books by this marriage expert, meditate on them and try to follow instructions. You will practically see the change you wish for in your marriage. I read his books a lot and can recommend them anytime because following his directives has not failed me, not at all.

Happiness is the key, be happy, it is possible to create happiness for yourself. No mortal man can give you the happiness that you so deserve, and desire to have. 

Don't get into the habit of over seriousness and a frowning face. Look cheerful because your face is the mirror to your soul and every body reads you through that face. Try your possible best to maintain  a good relationship with your husband. 

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Black Men, White Women, and Black Women: Part 2

I started this discuss about some thoughts on Culturally socialised  Bias’ with Specific Regard to Black Men, White Women, and Black Women being in relationship. Here is the concluding part of my story. I do hope you enjoy. 

Click here for the first part: http://www.bosydeprincessa.blogspot.com/2013/10/black-men-white-women-and-black-women.html?m=1

In, Ain't I A Woman Bell hooks proposes one theory for this common occurrence. 

"Explanations as to why marriages between white women and black men are more readily accepted than marriages between white men and black women can be found in patriarchal sexual politics. Since white women represent a powerless group when not allied with powerful white men, their marriage to black men is no greater threat to existing white patriarchal rule. In our patriarchal society if a wealthy white woman marries a black man she legally adopts his status. Accordingly a black woman who marries a white man adopts his status; she takes his name and their children are his heirs. Consequently, if a large majority of that small group of white men who dominate decision-making bodies in American society were to marry black women, the foundation of white rule would be threatened."

Furthermore, hooks notes that white women can be seen as a status symbol. Some black man beleive that unions with white women means they have achieved full assimilation and acceptance by whites.

"Those black men who believe deeply in the American dream, which is in essence a masculine dream of dominance and success at the expense of others, are most likely to express negative feelings about black women and positive feelings about white women. It is not surprising that the black male who finds self-affirmation on the terms set forth by white men would desire a white woman. Because he is living every moment of his life in competition with white men… In fact, if white men decided at any given moment that owning a purple female was the symbol of masculine status and success, black men in competition with white men would have to try and possess a purple female."

I’ve been told many times, by white man that I’ve try to seek out only in friendship, that they are not attracted to black women. This is due to our society’s large devaluation of black women. Black women are always portrayed in negative stereotypes, and to this day are still seen as unsuitable friends and undesirable sexual partners. There’s the asexual doting mammy, the promiscuous jezebel, the angry sapphire, and the black men dressed in female clothing so as to ridicule our clothing and speech, render us asexual, and “emasculate” the black man. Black men who have come to view the white women as a status symbol that must be “acquired” are those that both accept and and hope to affirm white patriarchy. Part of this system is a negative view of blacks, and a belief that men should have power over women (in this case white women).

One could argue that women are more open to interracial relationships because they have been taught to give men access to their bodies. Sexist conditioning teaches men that they have unlimited access to women’s bodies. Women are raised to believe they must attract a mate by being sexual available, subservient, and agreeable. Men have been raised to avoid women they precieve as being too forward. Events like the “Sadie Hawkins Dance”, or “The Backwards Dance”, highlight how unusual it is for women to ask out a man and that such phenomenons should only occur once a year. This could explain why relations between black men and white women are more common than white men and black women. White men are discouraged from pursuing relations with black women because this is seen as a threat to patriarchy. (See here)

Another argument has to do with western standards of beauty. Blonde hair and blue eyes are seen as the peak of attractiveness. Black men and women have both internalized this view on what is womanly and beautiful. While black women struggle to live up to this standard that shouldn’t apply to us, black men continually search for a women that’s society tells us is beautiful. The black men that claims to be exclusively attracted to white women are the same as white men who say they would never seek a relationship with a black women. Both have accepted the idea that white is better. Both have internalized this form of racism. One is hurt by it, while the other continues to reap it’s benefits. This is white-suprematist-capitalist-patriarchy.

Like hooks, I reject the idea that “black men who confess to loving white women and hating black women or vice versa are simply expressing personal preferences free of culturally socialized biases.” In addition, I don’t think that black men in relationships with white women are malicious racists. I do, however, think that one’s sexual preferences are not free from racist-sexist conditioning. Outside forces, largely the media, shape one’s sexual preferences more than one may think. It’s important for everyone to examine their biases, and attractions, and see that these things are hardly formed naturally.

Disclaimer, the intent of this piece was not to throw shade at anyone’s relationship or existence, but instead I hope to start a debate and self-examination.

Sources

1. hooks, bell. “Continued Devaluation of Black Womanhood, The Imperialism of Patriarchy.” Ain’t I a woman: Black women and feminism. Boston, MA: South End Press, 1981. 61-64, 112-113. Print.

2. Hofstadter, Richard. The paranoid style in American politics, and other essays.. [1st ed. New York: Knopf, 1965. Print.

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