Men Cheat, Women are Materialistic... Is it True?

Happy weekend to you, you and you. I hope the weekend is going as it were planned, if not... take a seat and read on as I bring to you another interesting write-up in our relationship and life segment. 

Am sure you are conversant with the statement:

“ALL men are chronically unfaithful.”
“Women are materialistic.”

These are two of the most common phrases in any conversation about relationships in all over the world. I’m exploring the validity of those statements.

While majority of  men complain about the materialism of today's modern women, apparently our women are totally consumed with thoughts of money; of course not all men cares about cash, well i think some still do.

Haven been opportune to visit other continent and meet with people of diverse race, ethnic and belief. I realise that the perception on Love and money in a relationship does not differ at all. For instance, in Nigeria where I am from, they’ll tell you that a Nigerian girl, especially the Lagos girl, falls in love with your wallet before she even looks at you. When I first heard this complaint, I felt so bad for our men. Poor kiddos, how could they cope dealing with these greedy materialistic girls? I mean I know I’ve definitely judged Nigerian girls harshly. College girls from struggling families have two hundred and fifty thousand Naira (plus) weaves, the latest smartphones, and expensive trips abroad, I know it’s their pocket-money doing all that. As I’ve grown older, I’ve gotten kinder, and less judgmental(here’s hoping though).

On the flip side, Nigerian women moan about the legendary infidelity of Nigerian men, Nigerian men can’t be trusted. Listening to the variety of stories about the men is absolutely petrifying; some get engaged to two women at the same time, others take mistresses on their honeymoon, placing them in the same hotel as their wives, while others maintain two families or sleep with the maids and nannies. Unfortunately, these stories are not fiction; we all have a few of them in our families or our close circle of friends. It’s enough to make a girl reconsider getting into this thing called marriage.

Even though I do not want to be judgmental, I  had experiences that have made me rethink who gets the blame in this messy situation. Recently a friend was talking about setting up a close friend of ours; apparently he had a number of single friends who would be ideal for her (Shola). Call me a skeptic, but I was surprised that he knew so many people who Shola could have fulfilling relationships with, not because she is difficult or anything of course. His answer was that they all had really well-paying jobs. Now don’t get me wrong, I would not want my to be with an ambition-less pauper, but I think there are many other qualities beyond a well-paying job that make someone a potential partner, like that pesky thing called compatibility. However, in his experience security is the first thing a Nigerian girl asks about.

Its also no surprise that, even while I was in Nigeria several years back, hustling the street of Abuja as a naive marketer, I’ve been on the receiving end of Nigerian men both young and old trying to throw money at me. Yet when you refuse their blatant offerings, and try to find out more about them, they are uncooperative but they’ll complain about materialistic women. I’ve heard multiple times that the majority of Nigerian women are unintelligent and unable to have decent conversations. This is generally said as a back-handed compliment to me, others in the same vein say things like “you have beauty and brains”, as though the two are incompatible. Apparently women just talk about movies, celebrities and make-up. Hearing this you would think these men are coming up with the solutions to Syria and Nigeria’s problems in their daily chats, lol!. Nah, generally they are discussing football, PS3 and if you are lucky, how to make money. I find these comments extremely insulting and not flattering in the least. I for one have never noticed a marked deficit in female intelligence among my friends and casual acquaintances, if the only women they encounter are unintelligent, the problem might be with their selection criteria not women in general. I’ve had as many terrible conversations with men as with women. This paragraph is brought on by a recent experience I had on a “date”, my date asked a question regarding some of my future academic pursuits. As I began to answer the question with the seriousness I felt it deserved, I noticed he wasn’t paying attention; he was looking down and chatting on his phone, how rude. This was the same guy who had previously commented on the lack of intelligent conversations. Ironic eh?

I’ve spent a good bit of time considering both angles and I’ve reached a conclusion, it’s truthfully a chicken and the egg situation. Are the women materialistic because they realize that’s all they can depend on the men for? Are the men unfaithful because they are with women who choose them for only for what’s in their pocket? Do men present the situation to be used through their own laziness? They rather flash their bank cards than spend time courting a women learning about her interests and what makes her tick. Do women simply utilize the opportunities presented to them by men? Are both men and women simply not just using each other?

After interacting with men and women, both at home and abroad. I’ve decided that this system is mutually beneficial for the active players. The men get bought women who are so desperate for money that they’ll do anything to stroke their man’s ego. These women will turn a blind eye to all their misbehavior, and accept crappy treatment from them. The women on their part have embraced the ideology of “it’s as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.” As long as they are kitted out in the latest designers, get to travel abroad and drive nice cars, life is good. I only feel bad for those who are genuinely searching for love, for that person that completes them. 60%  are looking to be married just to be, 30% consider marriage to be their meal ticket and the remaining 10% (probably an overly generous estimate) are sincerely searching for love. Yes, these statistic are just randomly thrown out from my brain, but I don’t think the results would be different if I performed a rigorous scientific study. I’d love to hear if y’all agree or disagree.

Have a blessed week.

-bosydeprincessa

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The African Bride

In marriage, what you sow is exactly what you reap. This may not be true all the time, and may not be true for all marriages. In African marriages, the husband remains the head of the family. The wife and children are his. Every husband prays to have  a good wife by his side, some of us women do not know the qualities of a good wife. Many of us do not even realize that we are created with these qualities inside of us, we do not need to download or install them from anywhere, like most people thing. All we need do is activate that part of our being and see our marriages being rejuvenated, it is right inside of us.

In African Marriage, during the marriage ceremony, elderly women, friends and family of the bride are called in to advise the bride to be. One thing in common is the advice to be a good wife, to honor the husband. The people who volunteer to advise do not fail to remind the woman that her husband (the groom) is the head, and that she should submit herself to him, cook good meals for him and ensure that he is happy in life. 

I strongly believe that to be a good wife is to make the man happy. The man's life should not turn into an unhappy one after marriage. If a rather happy and bubbly man suddenly or say gradually becomes depressed and unhappy after marriage, it doesn't speak well of his wife. Below are a few tips to guide us as we continue in our marital journey and the quest for happy marriages.

No one is perfect. We can all try our best all the time to build happy marriages. An unhappy husband will leave his wife unhappy. To be happy in our marriages, let us try to make our husbands happy men. In case you feel like your marriage has gone beyond repair, there is a book I will Strongly recommend for you. It does wonders if only you follow the instructions. This book is: Winning Your Husband Back Before It's Too Late. By Gary Smalley  and another great book: The DNA Of Relationship By same Author. When you read these books by this marriage expert, meditate on them and try to follow instructions. You will practically see the change you wish for in your marriage. I read his books a lot and can recommend them anytime because following his directives has not failed me, not at all.

Happiness is the key, be happy, it is possible to create happiness for yourself. No mortal man can give you the happiness that you so deserve, and desire to have. 

Don't get into the habit of over seriousness and a frowning face. Look cheerful because your face is the mirror to your soul and every body reads you through that face. Try your possible best to maintain  a good relationship with your husband. 

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My Childhood Funny Tales

When I was 10, My Mom protected I and my younger ones from the harsh realities of life as much as possible...

She practically built an impenetrable wall between the world and I. The only movies I was encouraged to see were Tales By Moonlight, Mr Bean, news and a few others. Other programs were heavily guided and even my friends were screened before I was allowed to hang out with them. I mean, I couldn't go for birthday parties, go to the market on my own etc..

I had this friend, Bukky who she approved of at the beginning because she was her own friend's daughter. Bukky and I became pretty good friends until one day... My Mom was going out and as usual locked the house gate and went away with the key. That way, I could come out to the balcony but not into the main compound.

Before she left, she explained that she was locking me in because there was a man-eating-dog on the loose. The dog ate only children and girls of around my age. They'd been trying to capture the dog for a while and every soldiers attempt had proved abortive, she said there's a price tag on the dog for any soldier who is able to capture it; so, I needed to stay inside, so that I won't get eaten up by this fierce dog.

About an hour later, Bukky who was around my age mate came visiting. I couldn't let her in because I didn't have the key to the gate and I was scared for her because she was exposing herself to the man-eating-dog. I told her about it and she looked at me like I was stupid and she said, "you mean you believe that dumb story, can't you see through, she said that so that you won't come out! There aren't no man-eating-dogs anywhere, if there were, it will be in the news or even the neighborhood will be talking about it. I've been out all day long and still will be out tomorrow, how could you be so gullible!"

I didn't quite believe she was right, I thought she probably hadn't been told about the Man-Eating-Dog because, it never crossed my mind my Mom could be making it up.

When my Mom came back, I told her Bukky was around and she isn't aware of the Man-Eating-Dog; Bukky didn't even believe me at all and thinks it's all Lies, I told her. . I'd never seen my Mom ın such a fierce look in my life. She was so mad and forbade me from ever speaking, hanging out or being friends with Bukky again. Reason, she was too wise for me! Ironically, when she said that, I suddenly saw my stupidity and knew Bukky was saying the truth afterall.

These things make me laught today when I remember them. It wasn't so much fun back then, but as I think about it, maybe it was for the better. I was lucky enough to escape a lot of trouble my mates got into at very tender ages.

Do you have such moment while growing up, things your parents might have said or done to stop you from doing things you would have love to do as a young child. We will appreciate if you share this.

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Family Issues: Do I send my Wife away?

This piece was sent in by some of our readers. I read it and torched, so I thought to share. Do read carefully, and we do hope you get back to us on your comments and views on it. Thank you! 

I am a married man with children. I live with my wife and our children in a family house. There is a deity (idol) in the family house that belongs to my grandfather. The deity has some regulations one of which is no one sits on it. For instance my wife sits on it then; her husband dies (me). My wife after knowing this secret threatens me anytime we have issues or arguments. She will rush to where the deity is and threatens to sit on it so as to kill me. I will have to continually beg her and buy her expensive gifts or even write her cheques before she refrains from her intentions of sitting there. This has been going on for some time now and I have informed her parents but to no avail.

About 5 months ago, my wife on her normal activities beat up our son mercilessly. I came home from work and met the child with all the injuries complained and then sent the boy to the clinic, on getting back, I met my wife in an angry mood with the usual threats of seating on the oracle, I stood watching her since I got tired of these threats. She rushed to the deity and sat on it. Instantly, she screamed in pains and developed a hunch back. All efforts to cure her proved futile since it was an intentional act. One month later, I got a job that brought me to Holland.

 It is 6 months now and I have been of thinking a lot since am uncomfortable living with a lady that intends killing me and now with a hunch back wife. I am thinking of sending her away as in divorcing her. Am I right sending her away?

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